It's My Party

it’s getting to be the end of another year. here’s what the past one looked like through the eyes of my phone.

perhaps the most important implement in one’s home is her toothbrush.

i just came to this realization as i was putting the house back into regular mode after the showing we had here this afternoon. toothbrushes, dirty dishes, laundry, random papers, trash – it all gets strategically hidden when people are coming through. so… i was just flat-ironing my tremendous hair in the bathroom when i discovered that something very important was missing – the toothbrushes. i located them. i repositioned them. and then thought to myself, “self, that’s one really integral little thingy you have there.”

think about how important your toothbrush is. when it comes to all the little thingies you have in your home, your toothbrush has got to be the forerunner of anything else you might be thinking is pretty darn important to you. and i don’t intend to get into the details of why at this particular time. or really ever for that matter. because that would be disgusting and i don’t want people to feel all sick and gross on this, the cusp of thanksgiving. but, i felt like sharing, so… in the spirit of the holiday, i guess i’m here to tell you that i’m thankful for my toothbrush. hopefully you are too.  (for yours. not mine. well, i guess i’m thankful for yours too. because when your teeth look nice, it makes me feel just that much more comfortable to be around you and your pearly white dientes.)

so, happy thanksgiving out there. don’t forget to brush after you enjoy all that post meal port.

can you honestly think of one person you’ve seen wearing this thing all over town that honestly *needs* to be wearing it all over town?

each time i uncover a new moron cut from this retarded blue cloth, i’m just instantly very, “really?”. (and please note that this “really?” is delivered in a very “you’re a big dumb moron and i’m very smart so i look down on you” kind of way.)

there are only two instances where the constant wearing of this contraption is acceptable. the first is a telemarketer type person. they have one job. and that one job is to make phone calls all the live long day. however, telemarketers usually sit behind a desk somewhere and enter all of your fun personal information into a system. also, and i have very little insight into this, but i’m guessing they employ a simple cordless headset since they’re probably using a land line and not a mobile device.

the second and final instance that i see fit for this bluetooth display is when in car. a lot of places now require that you be hands free while driving motor vehicles – and i’m all for this. the time i spend on the road is usually very tense. i’m always fearing for my safety and that of my gorgeous vehicle as people who seem unfit to recite the alphabet tail me too close. i try to keep a safe distance between rf bow and crappy forward car aft because when they all of a sudden display that i was right and they do not know how to operate motor vehicles, i’ll be ready. and then consequently, the unsightly vehicle on my tail will have ample time to react as well. when you think about it, i’m just making other peoples’ lives more safer. because i’m a giver. (i gotta be me.)

but back to people wearing bluetooth headsets all over town, all day long. there’s a gaggle of them. and, i have no official way to prove this, but i believe that they believe that their headset display makes them seem more important. we’re talking about a person who clearly needs to feel more better about him or herself. they’re what we call a “very high i” in the disc test. they care so deeply about what others think, that they must do whatever they can to ensure their actions convince others to think more highly of them. it’s really more sad than anything else when i break it down to this level. i’m a “very low i” on the disc test so, it’s hard for me to comprehend why someone would care so much about what someone else thinks about them. but they do. and they wear bluetooth headsets all over town to compensate. i guess it’s cheaper than therapy and healthier than heroin. ?

like i said, i’m a (very) “low i”. i don’t care what anyone thinks with regard to me and my actions, etc. so, when i see these people with their permanently placed, low self-esteem, ear-piece identifiers, my first reaction is “really?”. but then after i dissect it a bit, i just feel kind of bad for them. i can’t pull these poor souls aside and shake any sense into them, but i’d like to. because there’s a great many of us out here who just think they look like idiots and then just easily discard them. and also, if you stop caring about what others think, you’ll recapture scads of lost energy. i mean, that has to take up a lot of energy. no?

it only matters what you think about you, bluetooth morons. i guess you need to be sure you’re good with you before we move on to the next step in rf’s high self-esteem program. (which is where we discuss the plethora of accessories that *do* make sense. so, get excited for that.)