It's My Party

some weird guy in georgia is doing something strange. how do i know he’s in georgia? because i used the who is thingy – that’s how. it’s *that* weird that i had to go all ‘whois’ on this one.

here’s the email i received the other day:

subject:
here is the information you requested

from:
the information technician

body:
there is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. the triumph of anything is a matter of organization. if there are such things as angels, i hope that they are organized along the lines of mafia.

vonnegut
from the sirens of titan

i only received this one. so i googled it. and then, i commented on a blog where others have been tracking theirs too. so, i’m now being sent those as well. here’s a few:

history has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. they won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.

bertie c. forbes

twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover.

mark twain

i’m guessing this guy in georgia is like a do-gooder or nonprofit something or other, and he’s just trying to send random, positive, and/or thought provoking messages out into the internets in an effort to slowly and passively make the world a better place. and i guess this is just fyi, so that when people google it, they’ll end up here and i’ll get more traffic. sorry, people who googled it hoping for answers. i don’t have them. maybe try… google…

i recently held an open house at a home where the cat was very aggressive. usually the cats hide or slink around or stare holes into the back of my head from a far. not this one. very vocal and very interested. in me. and my presence.

i didn’t know the cat’s name so i had to just go with “cat”.  also, i had no idea if it was a she or a him. and obviously that was a detail i didn’t require.

here are the things i said to one particular feline as it stalked me throughout its 2700 square feet of residential living space one sunday from 2 – 4pm.

• You’re sort of aggressive, cat.
• Listen cat, I don’t need your stupid hair all over my black sweater.
• You’re unusually vocal, you.
• Hey I know, just put your butt-hole in my face. Thx.
• Oh good. You’re gonna tangle around my legs. Tremendous.
• Hey cat, seriously. Get out of my face.
• Ok cat, we’ve got people coming in. Look alive. Or just lick yourself I guess.
• Ugh, cat. I just met you. I don’t want us to sit together.
• Cat, you’re skinny.
• Hey cat, where’s the scotch tape? Seriously. Rf needs to put up a sign.
• Your paws are huge, cat. What’s that about?
• Do you think we could maybe not spend the entire afternoon, all over each other?
• So cat, would I successfully be able to turn the tables here if I incessantly stalked you around this place instead of how we’re doing it now ?
• (Cat and I have a dance party when “evacuate the dance floor” comes on.)
• Ugh. Really. You don’t need to come over here.
• What. What can I help you with?
• Ok cat. That’s it.
• Fine. You just sit here then. I’ll move.
• Hey!! Haha. Just wanted to wake you.
• Cat. You’re killin me.
• There’ s no way you’re a chick. Chicks do not sit like that, cat.
• How are you seriously sleeping through this parade of people milling about your house? Cat. Hey, Cat. Hey…
• Cat, looks like our time together is just about over. I wish you the best. Its been real.
• Really cat? You’re not gonna say bye to me? After all that we’ve been through?

it didn’t. it literally slept through me clanging around and getting my stuff together as i prepared to leave. so then i slipped out the front door, made sure to extra slam it, and disappeared forever. and then went and lint-rolled my clothes for like an hour. can’t thank you enough, cats.

i was recently challenged to research my first name on the urban dictionary. i thought it would be nice if we had a look at some results.

1. “Rachel”

A.)Traditional; Feminine form of “Male version of Rachel”, meaning ‘Judged only by GOD.’ (rf says, “ha. who?”)

B.) Intense, fiery female possessing ability to affect person, place, and immediate surrounding environment. Frequently manifesting such conflicting extremes that the outcome is typically one of lucidity or confusion. The conflict(s) can occur consecutively, concurrent or separate. Other characteristics of “Rachel” are; kaleidoscope eyes, discernible voice capable of pitch, tone and volume that cracks Ice, shatters glass, and renders those in ear-shot stunned for moments, Buckcherry released a song about “Rachel” titled “CRAZY BITCH” in 2006, “Rachel” is synonymous with Tardy i;e, NEVER EVER, ever on time generally RST (“Rachel” Standard Time) runs within a 3 hour conversion =/- ( due at 2 pm will not arrive prior to 2:30 PM but usually by 5PM or somewhere in between)

‘RACHEL’ your most fearless, strong and loyal friend for life. Or, your most feared, relentless mortal enemy.

usage in a sentence:

Some guy was invading my personal space bubble on the dance floor and just wouldn’t take a hint so he left me no choice but to pull a “Rachel”- the EMT’s didn’t know if he’d survive the ride to the hospital.

some tags:
crazy bitch survivor friend loyal loud strong hottie magical mysterious psychic manifest creator esoteric

2. “Rachel”

“Rachel” is the prettiest most amazing girl ever. She’s so funny and makes me laugh all the time. All guys fall for her and she is really amazing. I’m jealous of her awesomely cool face and her rapping skills.

“Hey that girl is awesome, she must be a ‘Rachel’!”

and more tags:
prettiest amazing awesome cool rapping

so, i don’t have to tell you that obviously i’m going to spend copious amounts of time looking up importancies on urban dictionary given this scary, scary, fantastic level of accuracy. and…i’m jealous of her awesomely cool face.

her awesomely cool face… you know. right? like i said, urbandictionary.com – it’s obviously our friend.